so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
