do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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