we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
