haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
