your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
