Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
