absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
