return my video game
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
