P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
