She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
