So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
