I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
