you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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