I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
