what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize