the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
