What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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