I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
