i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize