So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
