The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize