I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
