do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
