nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
