He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Acid is not a monday night drug
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
