omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
