Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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