I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
