I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
