you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
