the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
