Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
