Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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