This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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