you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
