Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's shark week go big or go home
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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