yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
