I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
