I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
