when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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