You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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