You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
not ubering you a puppy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
