i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
