He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
