He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
