My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
