Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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