my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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