Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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