I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The power of my boobs compel you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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