chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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