Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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