I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
