My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
