i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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