Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize