... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
