I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
whose parrot is this?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
