dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
