Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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