How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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