So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
