I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
