Porn is love you can see.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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