you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
