Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
