You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can I color on your dick again?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
