So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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