Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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