no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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