Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
