What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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