All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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