it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
3 2 1 whiskey
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize