Whatcha textin bout Willis?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
