Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
