I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
