I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
