i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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