If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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