if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
