with your own penis?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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