She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
