Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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