Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
