Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
