He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
