a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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