i think my tv is drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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