high people should be assigned attendants
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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