woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
