Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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