You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
