i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
