I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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