I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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