His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
