Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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