I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
