16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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