I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
