gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
