Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize