It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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