Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
