I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
