I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
